Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
