Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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