trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
