Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
