the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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