is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
