You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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