i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
