My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
