i just had sex bonerless
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
