you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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