Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
