The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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