The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
