I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
