Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
