it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
