So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
