hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
