then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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