Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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