im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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