for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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