i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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