also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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