she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
