Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
