Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
