We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm bleeding and have questions
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
