I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
