3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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