I want to have your abortion
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
