Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not ubering you a puppy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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