There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
