Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
