she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize