my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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