No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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