I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
