My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
