Moan for me like Helen Keller
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
