yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that's an acceptable place to lick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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