I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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