Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
