my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
