somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
