You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
