Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
