Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
