So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
