dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
