It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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