I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
