Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
