How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
