He had one of those small greek statue penises
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
