I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
