just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
