i jhust puked up my retainher.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
