i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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