he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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