sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
