3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
