my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
