Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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