No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
