The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
