dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
