It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
